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| Graphic made by me (Wren.) |
"Welcome to the Schardas Family Interview Fun Time!" Wren cried, opening her arms wide. Kell groaned and buried his face in his jacket. Wren huffed and started cussing. Mishma swooped in and rectified things by giving Wren, who was red-faced and angry-eyed, a cookie. Wren nibbled on it quietly as Mishma took a seat.
"The Schardas family is made of up characters from A Darker Shade of Magic, Vicious, Throne of Glass, Shadow and Bone, and Six of Crows," Mishma explained. Wren nodded and swallowed.
"And we, Mish and I, are big fans of all those books. Vicious especially. That's why we give special attention to Syd and Victor. Eli's just here for the free food," Wren continued.
"As if," Eli scoffed. "You forced me to be here." He held up his bound hands. Wren waved a hand dismissively at him and placed her hands in her lap. Mishma rolled her eyes and dutifully continued, "Today, we have some questions for the whole family. They are made up by Wren because she's weird like that."
"Am not," Wren cried indignantly.
"Are too. And I'm not continuing this," Mishma said with finality.
"Ooh. Wren's got it now," Jesper said with a twinkle in his eye.
"How about we just get to it?" Wren ground out, sending a vicious scowl Jesper's way. The sharpshooter innocently held up his hands in surrender, fearing Wren's wrath which was just her vicious cooking which could fell any man.
"Okay. First question. Who is the one who typically cooks for the kids?" Sydney read, holding up the notecard. She placed the thin slice of cardstock back onto the pile.
"Mish," Wren said without hesitation. "I'd burn the house down."
"Hopefully, with me in it," Eli said sourly.
"Tsk tsk. You're always so rude. I should give you gruel for that," Wren retorted.
"How about not poisoning our kids?" Mishma suggested.
"If they're being asses, I have a right to exact revenge-I mean punishment," Wren whined.
"That's called bad parenting," Nikolai muttered.
"Haha, speak for yourself," Wren snapped. "You'd be an awful parent. You'd let the kiddos just run free." Nikolai rolled his eyes at her and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Next question. Who is the one who reads the bedtime stories?" Nina asked, eyeing the two 'parents' over the edge of the notecard.
"I think we'd both do it," Mishma said. "If we ever thought about doing it. Why don't we read them bedtime stories anyways?" She eyed Wren suspiciously.
"Because if we did, we'd give them nightmares," Wren replied. "And we don't want that."
"As if you haven't given us nightmares already," Jesper sassed.
"Go to your room," Wren commanded. Jesper rolled his eyes and planted his feet on the ground. Wren raised an eyebrow, challenging the boy. Jesper hesitated before getting up and slinking away. He didn't care risk the wrath of Wren. She'd mostly force feed him burnt cookies or something. A triumphant grin spread across Wren's lips.
"Why'd we get nightmares?" Sydney asked.
"No reason," Wren said hurriedly. "Next question."
Victor lazily plucked a card from the stack. "Who feeds the fish?"
"Ohmygod what fish?" Wren asked incredulously.
"Mr. Goldstein," Sydney said, looking baffled. "Over there." She tossed a thumb in the direction of the kitchen. Sitting on the windowsill was a bowl of dirty-looking water. Wren gaped in surprise. "Oh my gosh. Hold on. I gotta do something. I'll be back," she said. She grabbed her wallet and phone. "Call me if you need anything," Wren cried and dashed out of the room. Mishma stared at the empty space on the couch where Wren had sat.
"Where's she going?" Sydney asked.
"Uh...um," Mishma stammered.
"Goodness," Victor muttered. "Sydney understands more about death than any of you."
"But she's a kid," Mishma protested. Victor just rolled his eyes.
Nina smiled at Sydney and pinched the younger girl's cheeks. "But Syd doesn't mind, right?" Nina asked, cooing. Sydney just smiled. She was probably plotting everyone in the room except Victor's demise. But who knows?
"Alright. A new question," Mishma announced. "Two more before dinner."
"I'll do it," Nikolai said. He lifted a card from the stack. "Who makes sure the kids do their homework?" he read.
"Homework?" Rhy cried. "Since when have we had homework?"
"Well, some of us try to get good grades," Nina sniffed. "Unlike others." She shot an evil look at Rhy.
Wren raced in and threw herself down onto the couch. "Go," she panted, "check...on...fishy thing." Mishma patted Wren's head. Sydney climbed out of the tangle of pillows and strode away. Wren held up her hand for high fiving because that was a close call. Mishma rolled her eyes but smacked Wren's hand.
"What about homework?" Wren asked, looking bored.
Rhy threw down the card and pouted.
"Do we ever have homework?' he demanded.
"Almost every day," Wren replied. "Do you just not do it, Rhy?" She slowly rose to her feet, fire in her eyes. "You'll never get into a good college if you don't know your homework. And you'll never get a good job if you don't get a good education. And you'll not be able to support your family. You wretched little sh-" She pounced, tackling Rhy who flopped about and gasped. She wrestled him into a headlock, beaming up at Mishma. Mishma calmly walked over and pinched Wren's ear. Wren whimpered and released Rhy. Rhy huffed in annoyance and fled to the kitchen for some cookies.
"Last question," Mishma said, releasing Wren. "Why don't you do it, Chaol?"
Chaol shrugged and grabbed a card. "Who is your favorite child?" Chaol asked, raising an eyebrow at the card.
"Sydney. Because she doesn't hate me," Wren said without hesitation. Sydney walked in. Wren got up and wrapped her arms around the younger girl. Sydney struggled a bit before just letting Wren hold her. Wren placed her chin on the top of Sydney's head.
"And I don't have a favorite," Mishma replied. "I love you all." She offered a smile to each of her kids.
"And on that bombshell...thanks for joining our dysfunctional family," Wren chirped, clapping enthusiastically. Mishma groaned and shook her head.
"You're too weird," Mishma said. Wren beamed in response. "That's a good thing," Wren replied. "See you guys soon!"
