Tomato Talks: Episode 3: Why I Sometimes Hate Reading Books About Mental Illness

Listen here!

Today I talked about mental illnesses and other personal-ish stuff.

This came about because of The Memory of Light which is about a girl who attempted suicide. I started to think about my feelings towards mental illness books. (Just saying, I use mental health books and mental illness books interchangeably. By this, I mean, books that have a character with a mental illness.)

So...mental illness books. 

They kinda are part of my life now. My best friend has depression. I have other friends with different mental illnesses. I only recently started learning about 'reality'. And that includes mental illnesses. And I'm still not sure the right term. (I use disorders and illnesses interchangeably.)

I began to think about this two years ago. I was carefree and innocent before that. I never thought about the real things that make the world go round and round.

But I don't particularly love them. I mean...I do love that they exist. If you have a mental illness, you can relate to a character with the same illness. You can feel for them, and they can be your strength. 

If there was a book about someone like me, I'd definitely love it. I'd read it and cherish it. Even if the writing style is awful...okay...not true. 

And why don't I like them at times?

I think too much about it. I think too much into it. I try to match myself up to these mental illnesses. Am I depressed? Do I have an anxiety disorder? What am I?

And I hate putting myself in a box. But I do it instinctively. Why? I have no clue. Why do we do anything?

I'm just trying to figure out who I am. 

Who is Wren? Who am I? 

And it's something I've been thinking about for two years.

And I think I might always be wondering the answer to the question we all want to know the answer to. 

And apologies for random typing sounds because I was looking up some facts.

And I overuse schizophrenia as an example...but it's not true. I'm just paranoid.

And I switch back and forth between agreeing and disagreeing. So...sorry.

And I kinda get dark at the end...sorry..

And sorry for apologizing so much...wait.

Stay With Me For 'Every Last Word'

Every Last Word

Author: Tamara Ireland Stone

Goodreads / Amazon

If you could read my mind, you wouldn't be smiling.

Samantha McAllister looks just like the rest of the popular girls in her junior class. But hidden beneath the straightened hair and expertly applied makeup is a secret that her friends would never understand: Sam has Purely-Obsessional OCD and is consumed by a stream of dark thoughts and worries that she can't turn off. 

Second-guessing every move, thought, and word makes daily life a struggle, and it doesn't help that her lifelong friends will turn toxic at the first sign of a wrong outfit, wrong lunch, or wrong crush. Yet Sam knows she'd be truly crazy to leave the protection of the most popular girls in school. So when Sam meets Caroline, she has to keep her new friend with a refreshing sense of humor and no style a secret, right up there with Sam's weekly visits to her psychiatrist.

Caroline introduces Sam to Poet's Corner, a hidden room and a tight-knit group of misfits who have been ignored by the school at large. Sam is drawn to them immediately, especially a guitar-playing guy with a talent for verse, and starts to discover a whole new side of herself. Slowly, she begins to feel more "normal" than she ever has as part of the popular crowd . . . until she finds a new reason to question her sanity and all she holds dear.

City of Words

A story about poetry and love and OCD and a loss of control. Has romance. Has an adorable guitar player and a group of Mean and Popular Girls. A narrator you'll feel for. Amazing poetry. Amazing friendships and relationships.

"I started to cry when I began to read this. I don't know why. I loved that Tamara Ireland Stone wrote about OCD. I feel like people make OCD into a cleaning thing when it isn't always true. It's about impulses more likely. (Not that I know the exact details.) I have a love of studying the mental disorders. It's kinda why I want to be a psychologist. Personal reasons actually. Not important here, though.

"If my school had a Poet's Corner, I'd be set. You know what, I'll make it. It's decided. I love Sam. Her poetry is meaningful. Poetry is just pouring your thoughts onto a page. It's therapeutic. And Caroline? I loved her shirts. Can someone please make shirts like Caroline's? I want them all! And the romance. It wasn't bad. A little rushed. I was lost at why they would want to date since there wasn't history or chemistry. But The Guy really changed Sam. And that's what I thought was good about him. And the friendships. I loved that. The MaP Girls(Mean and Popular Girls) annoyed me. I don't think I've ever met MaPs before. Seriously. And I'm in high school for goodness sake. And the things Sam's mom did for her? Best. Fictional. Mom. Ever. Overall, a thumbs up."

Be a Fan With 'Fans of the Impossible Life'

Fans of the Impossible Life

Author: Kate Scelsa 
Goodreads / Amazon

Ten months after her recurring depression landed her in the hospital, Mira is starting over at Saint Francis Prep. She promised her parents she would at least try to pretend that she could act like a functioning human this time, not a girl who can’t get out of bed for days on end, who only feels awake when she’s with Sebby.

Jeremy is the painfully shy art nerd at Saint Francis who’s been in self-imposed isolation after an incident that ruined his last year of school. When he sees Sebby for the first time across the school lawn, it’s as if he’s been expecting him.

Sebby, Mira’s gay best friend, is a boy who seems to carry sunlight around with him like a backlit halo. Even as life in his foster home starts to take its toll, Sebby and Mira together craft a world of magic rituals and impromptu road trips, designed to fix the broken parts of their lives.

As Jeremy finds himself drawn into Sebby and Mira’s world, he begins to understand the secrets that they hide in order to protect themselves, to keep each other safe from those who don’t understand their quest to live for the impossible.
A captivating and profound debut novel, Fans of the Impossible Life is a story about complicated love and the friendships that change you forever.

City of Fans: 

An amazing city with impossibly real characters, massive amounts of diversity, an art club, running away, thrift shopping, drugs, depression, gay people, and rituals to forget. Sadly, there is a hint of instalove. Written in three PoVs (first, second, and third.) Highly unforgettable. 

"Hey, did you read 'Fans of the Impossible Life' yet? Oh man. It's amazing! The characters seem real. There's a lot of diversity. The problems they go through seem like they can happen in every day life. And some really awesome rituals." 

I'm Just a Little Crazy: 'A Madness So Discreet'

A Madness So Discreet

Author Name  

Goodreads / Amazon

Grace Mae knows madness.
She keeps it locked away, along with her voice, trapped deep inside a brilliant mind that cannot forget horrific family secrets. Those secrets, along with the bulge in her belly, land her in a Boston insane asylum.
When her voice returns in a burst of violence, Grace is banished to the dark cellars, where her mind is discovered by a visiting doctor who dabbles in the new study of criminal psychology. With her keen eyes and sharp memory, Grace will make the perfect assistant at crime scenes. Escaping from Boston to the safety of an ethical Ohio asylum, Grace finds friendship and hope, hints of a life she should have had. But gruesome nights bring Grace and the doctor into the circle of a killer who stalks young women. Grace, continuing to operate under the cloak of madness, must hunt a murderer while she confronts the demons in her own past.
In this beautifully twisted historical thriller, Mindy McGinnis, acclaimed author of Not a Drop to Drink and In a Handful of Dust, explores the fine line between sanity and insanity, good and evil—and the madness that exists in all of us.

As a person who wants to be in clinical psychology, stories about mental illness/disorders always are different for me. Especially if I know someone with that disorder. It changes things for me. I look at the book differently.
So I walked into this book hoping. Hoping for an exposé about asylums. Hoping to learn something. I walked out of this book disappointed.

With Grace's story, you could see her descent into madness. My thoughts? Awesome. She really changed. She had less reaction, less care. Her emotions dulled. She didn't flinch near dead bodies or when she wielded a knife. Compared to her before-the-book, frilly, and floofy lifestyle, her asylum life was starkly different. It was horrifying. I knew that asylums were terrible places, but I didn't know about the specific treatments the patients went through. It was a blast from the past, a smack of reality. People can be horrifying sometimes. Humanity can be horrifying sometimes.
Sadly, her personality fell flat, though. She was dull and emotionless. I know that she was trying to be that, but it annoyed me to no end. Even Nell and Elizabeth had personalities. They were bubbly and full of life. What Grace went through was different, but she was still a teenage girl. She still had youth. I wanted her to act that way. To have a shred of hope. Because hope is all you need in the worst of times.

Her friendships were amazing. She found friendships in unlikely places. In the dark. In the light. I thought that was pretty cool. Friendship trumps romance any day in my book.
And her friends supported her. They laughed with her. They made her smile. They were the only people who could. With Elizabeth and Nell, Grace had life. I thought that was great. Friendships can change you. I know my friendships define who I am. The guys. The group. My best friends. These people are who I am.

The plot was lacking. Was it a mystery? Or a story about change? Or all of the above? I wanted to know. I wanted something definite. If the plot was a mystery, I wanted more clues. I wanted something to follow. If the plot was about change, I wanted the frilly lifestyle of Before. If it was all of the above, I wanted more details. I wanted more story. More depth.

Rating:

3/5

Review: 'Your Voice Is All I Hear' by Leah Scheier

Your Voice is All I Hear

Leah Scheier

Goodreads / Amazon

Everything about Jonah is unexpected. On the first day of school, he sits next to April, when he could have chosen to sit with the popular girl. He turns down an invitation to join the school team and declares he'd rather paint. He encourages April to develop her musical talent and shrugs off the bullies that torment them.

April isn't surprised to find herself falling for Jonah. The unexpected part is when he falls for her too.

But the giddy happiness of their first romance begins to fade when Jonah's unpredictability begins to take a darker turn. April understands that her boyfriend is haunted by a painful memory, but his sudden mood swings worry her. She can't explain his growing fear of cellphones, electric keyboards, and of sounds that no one else can hear. Still, no matter what happens, April is sure that she'll always stand by him.

Until Jonah finally breaks and is committed to a psychiatric ward.

Until schizophrenia changes everything.

Though everyone urges her to let him go, April stays true to Jonah. But as the boy she adores begins to disappear in front of her, she has to face her worst fear: that her love may not be enough to save him.

NOTE: I got this off NetGalley.

The Big Picture: 

Wow. Just...wow. I'm shocked. This book was surprisingly good.
The storytelling wasn't bad. It was an interesting way to show Jonah's disorder.
The characters were interesting. Their personalities and love of music. I liked the characters.
The instalove was annoying. I swear. They barely knew each other! But April and Jonah had chemistry. I could definitely see that.

The Dirty Details:

The storytelling wasn't bad. I liked that we saw things from one of Jonah's loved ones. I thought it was an interesting perspective. We didn't see his disorder first hand. We saw it through someone else's eyes. We saw his struggle, but April didn't know what was going on. His loved ones blamed themselves. They picked apart their memories to find the signs. They tried to help. They tried to understand. This book showed the other side of mental disorders. It showed the disorders from the eyes of a loved one. It was a new perspective.

The characters were interesting. I liked their personalities. The shy girl who isn't noticed. Her boyfriend the artistic and tormented guy. They were interesting. I did like the characters. They were barely noticed. They were the invisibles. I was, and still am, one of them. A moody girl. Bookish. Nerdy. You know, the works.

I thought the characters could have been my friends. Or me. Or anyone I know. They felt quite real.

The instalove was annoying, but the two characters Jonah and April truly did care for each other. I felt like they barely knew each other, though. They barely had any dates. The romance was quick and sudden. A few pages in and boom! Romance.

The two had a connection, though. I can't deny that. They had something special. And April definitely cared for Jonah. She stayed when others doubted him. She played his games. She would be with him forever. That's what he did to her. She was loyal and committed. She cared. And caring is important.

Rating:

4/5

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Books That Celebrate Diversity/Diverse Characters

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

This Week's Topic:

Ten Books That Celebrate Diversity/Diverse Characters

What is diversity? It might seem like an easy answer, but it really isn't. There isn't one definition of diversity. Everyone defines it differently. 

This is We Need Diverse Books's definition: 

How we define diversity:

We recognize all diverse experiences, including (but not limited to) LGBTQIA, people of color, gender diversity, people with disabilities, and ethnic, cultural, and religious minorities.

I personally think I read diverse books. I will read a LGBT book or a book about mental health. I'm an open-minded person. I think we need diverse books because our world is full of diversity. Books should reflect that. I see the need for diversity in books. 
Here is my top ten list of books that celebrate diversity. I read all these books in 2015.

LGBT 

Gay:

Transgender:

Intersex:

Race/Ethnicity:

Mental Health:

Review: 'More Happy Than Not' by Adam Silvera

More Happy Than Not

Adam Silvera 

Amazon / Goodreads

The Leteo Institute's revolutionary memory-relief procedure seems too good to be true to Aaron Soto -- miracle cure-alls don't tend to pop up in the Bronx projects. But Aaron can't forget how he's grown up poor or how his friends aren't always there for him. Like after his father committed suicide in their one bedroom apartment. Aaron has the support of his patient girlfriend, if not necessarily his distant brother and overworked mother, but it's not enough.

Then Thomas shows up. He has a sweet movie-watching setup on his roof, and he doesn't mind Aaron's obsession with a popular fantasy series. There are nicknames, inside jokes. Most importantly, Thomas doesn't mind talking about Aaron's past. But Aaron's newfound happiness isn't welcome on his block. Since he's can't stay away from Thomas or suddenly stop being gay, Aaron must turn to Leteo to straighten himself out, even if it means forgetting who he is.

Adam Silvera's extraordinary debut novel offers a unique confrontation of race, class and sexuality during one charged near-future summer in the Bronx.

_______________________________________________________________________

Here Be the Players

Aaron wasn't bad. You might think he's boring at first, but he gained depth as the story continued. It was revealed that he was gay. And he had so many problems because of it. So much happened. He had to accept it. But it was odd. He did seem a bit normal for the area. (The lower side. The poorer side of town. You get my meaning hopefully.) Played manhunt. Had a girlfriend. Did the do. He seemed so normal that everything just seemed so terrible. Perhaps, that was on purpose. He was a nerd of sorts. A comic book nerd. But his person revolved around the gay thing. It seemed like he was just the 'gay guy'. That was a bit confusing. He did have other personality traits. Why not mention that and lessen his 'gay guy' title? Not sure... It was interesting to see what happened to him. I didn't love his character, though, but he did have his good points. He was willing to admit his lies. But he wasn't great as I expected him to be. 
Thomas was interesting. Someone who can't decide. About anything. That's okay, though. You're only a teenager. It is understandable. What I did understand was why he had to lead poor Aaron on. Aw...poor Aaron. I sympathize with the poor guy. He didn't expect Thomas to do what he did. (Evasive maneuvering! Dodge and weave, boys!) I did like Thomas. He did many things. And he didn't decide. Which wasn't bad but wasn't good either. He was a good friend. I imagine he'd be a good boyfriend as well. Who knows?
Genevieve was interesting as well. An artist. She was amazing. She was loyal. She stayed with Aaron. Loyalty was a trait she had. She was a great girlfriend and friend. Smart. Funny. Quirky. She tried her best to help. And maybe that's what's important. 

The Adventure Begins (And Ends)

The beginning was a bit boring. Two guys becoming friends out of the blue. How was this different than other stories? You might be asking yourself that. It seemed so typical. Closeted gay guy likes seemingly straight guy. Whoops. Forgot to tell you seemingly straight guy is gay. But this story wasn't anything like that. It seemed so different. You start to wonder why Leteo was important and why it was in the blurb. You feel a bit for the relationships Aaron had. They were all great. The loving bond from girlfriend Genevieve. The funny and kind Thomas. The rough friendships he has with the kids on the block. Brendan the sorta best friend. Me-Crazy. (I liked Me-Crazy a bit. Just a bit. He was the whackjob people are worried about. Crazy and insane. Reckless. But he did push it a bit too far.)
Towards the middle, things got interesting. We had the feelings rising. The question of being gay. What's this? What am I feeling? And Aaron was worried about revealing things.
And then...it got real. So soul-crushingly real. It started to hurt. We learned the procedure Aaron went through. The Before. The things that made him get the procedure. And the thing that made him remember. It made me gasp. I held my breath. I was worried for Aaron. I was worried in general. What is wrong with those people? What's wrong with the people who created Leteo? Leteo can destroy lives, but they can also help. Is the pro worth the con? Which outweighs which?

The Swoon-Gasp-Swoon Factor

It was truly dramatic. The fights. The Collin thing. The hiding. The quietness. Holding things back. It was the sort of drama that you don't expect. 

You expect the father to find out about his son and be angry.

Well. You got that and more.

I truly didn't expect the beating that Aaron got that unwound his memories. Whoa. And they said they were your friends? You need better friends, duded. 

This drama drew you in. What's going to happen? What not? Who will attack next? You clung to the pages. The story drew you in. You had to know.

Ka-Pow Power

N/A

Kiss Kiss Fall in Love

The romance...it's actually hard to place. Are we talking about Aaron's wants? Or Collin's which was real? Or Genevieve's which was fake? 

I didn't particularly like Collin. He was rude. His rejection was uncalled for. He was rough and touchy. Assuming things really. He didn't care for Aaron. I don't think so at least. He seemed to use Aaron for sex. To calm his urges.

Genevieve... Ah. She was good as a girlfriend. She tried to be kind. And help. Tried to make Aaron feel straight when feeling gay made him feel terrible. I thought they had a good bond. But Aaron was rude to her. She didn't deserve it. He could have let her down easy or something. I hoped they gained trust with each other again. And maybe they did in the end.

And Thomas. Such a good friendship. Romance was going to ruin it. You could tell. Thomas was too flighty. Unpredictable. You wouldn't know if he would accept Aaron as a boyfriend or not. He was a bit rude. What's wrong with a kiss? You're a teen. Let it be. You people are reckless! What's wrong with a kiss? 

Special Effects

It showed the rough side of town. The poorer side. 

I am a middle class person. Always have been. My parents aren't rich. They were never rich. My family made enough money, though. I still wanted the lavious 1% lifestyle as many do. But my life wasn't too bad. 

So it's a punch in the gut when I read this side of the story. The faulty plumbing. The sharing of rooms. The needs over the wants. Not even considering the wants anymore. The two jobs, maybe more.
It was a stab in the gut. The smack of reality.
I never realized how bad people have it.
I'm lucky. I know that. I've known it for a while. I never saw much poverty. My friends were rich private school kids or well-off public school ones. I grew up wailing about wanting the stuffed bunny, and then it's in my arms.
One distinct memory I had was one when I was around nine. There was a new toy out. And I wanted it. My half-birthday was coming up. Declaring the importance of one's half-birthday, I got my dad to purchase it for me. It was around $10-20. Now...I feel so bad.

I wander the streets of New York City and yearn to place a dollar in the guy's cup. Or put a granola bar there. Make some contribution. I don't. Why? I'm a shy person. Not the cute shy. The shy that will rage if you dare make me interview that person, what are you doing, staph. Yes. That person. I'm that person. So I got what I wanted as a kid. I needed to be pleased. Being an only child didn't help much either.

And this...this is someone's reality. Kicking beer cans. Grafitti. Kissing in the dark. One bedroom apartments. Even my aunt has two bedrooms! (One's been made into a closet.) And she lives in a city where rent is expensive with a capital E. 

I don't see the truth sometimes. I've been blindsided by everything I know. 

This story showed me the truth.

The End

The ending was good. Worthy. It fit the story. Especially the title. More happy than not. And that's what Aaron got. His happiness. Or, at least, more happiness than not. It was a good ending.

I did feel like Aaron finally became someone else. Someone that suited who he wanted to be. Accepting of his fate. Things happen. You have to accept it after a certain point. 

This story really made an impression. It started out a bit boring, but it ended on a high note. Something that changed and different. 

Rating:

5/5

Review: 'Made You Up' by Francesca Zappia

Made You Up
Francesca Zappia

Amazon / Goodreads

Reality, it turns out, is often not what you perceive it to be—sometimes, there really is someone out to get you. Made You Up tells the story of Alex, a high school senior unable to tell the difference between real life and delusion. This is a compelling and provoking literary debut that will appeal to fans of Wes Anderson, Silver Linings Playbook, and Liar.

Alex fights a daily battle to figure out the difference between reality and delusion. Armed with a take-no-prisoners attitude, her camera, a Magic 8-Ball, and her only ally (her little sister), Alex wages a war against her schizophrenia, determined to stay sane long enough to get into college. She’s pretty optimistic about her chances until classes begin, and she runs into Miles. Didn't she imagine him? Before she knows it, Alex is making friends, going to parties, falling in love, and experiencing all the usual rites of passage for teenagers. But Alex is used to being crazy. She’s not prepared for normal. 

Funny, provoking, and ultimately moving, this debut novel featuring the quintessential unreliable narrator will have readers turning the pages and trying to figure out what is real and what is made up.

_______________________________________________________________

Here Be the Players

The characters were amazing.
Alex was the cool sort of crazy. She did a lot of weird things. The Freeing of the Lobsters. Crimson Falls. Many different things. And her mental illness didn't overpower her personality. It complemented her person. The paranoia. Checking for tracers in her food. These were common place with Alex. And it highlighted the caution she took. I thought her mental illness made her special. Different. Not all characters have melded their problems into their life as seamlessly as Alex has. And her voice. Sassy and quick. She was clever. But also very...closed. She was reluctant to like Miles. Alex had a good voice. And I liked her character. She relied on people. And people relied on her. The question that lingers is whether the world you read is reality or not. For her, I mean. Is Miles real? Tucker? Who is real? Who is just a figment?
Miles was mysterious. He reminded me of a friend. His personality was different. The good kind, though. He was dark. Closed off. Standoffish. I thought that was amazing. I am a huge fan of dark and mysterious. And Miles fit the bill. People were scared of him. (And I'm not sure I would rather be loved or hated.) He wasn't good with emotions. (I can relate to that. I found out recently through careful self-examination that I'm not very strong in the empathy area. Woohoo! People who don't work well with others. People who can't comprehend emotions! FTW! WE RULE! But yes. That's true. I'm not perfect, never said I was.) There was just something about him. His past. His present. It lured me in. His personality did the rest.

The Adventure Begins (And Ends)

The plot was interesting. It seemed to follow the pattern of nothing happens, reveal, and reaction. Like with Alex's sister. And McCoy. And the snake. You felt like nothing else was coming. Then wham! Everything is there. It seemed like the story was tricking you in every way. Deceiving you. Making YOU, as the reader wonder what was real. This was a story you had to keep reading. It drew you in. Kept you wanting for more. The reveals shocked you. You were clinging to the pages. Every word captivating. That was this story. The plot was fascinating. So many things happened. You had to know how Alex would react. Would she be surprised? Smug? Happy? Depressed?
I started wondering what WAS real. Or is nothing real? Is this ALL a dream? I had to read more carefully. I had to focus. The story made you do that. Questioning reality in general.
The question is...what is reality?

The Swoon-Gasp-Swoon Factor

There was a lot of drama. But not a lot of action. Not that I didn't enjoy the drama. It was great. Edge of your seat. I had to continue reading. There was so much happening. You needed to know. What happened? What now? The urge to know overtook anything else. If I could, I would read the entire thing in one fell swoop. (School isn't the best. It gets in my way.) There could have been some action scenes. Or something. A fight scene? Cat fight! Doesn't that seem...interesting? I would be glued to the page.

Ka-Pow Power

N/A

Kiss Kiss Fall in Love

The romance was a bit unexpected. I didn't expect it. Why? The two didn't need to be romancing. Each other or someone else. They were troubled. Troubled plus romance? Hell. It doesn't always work.
I will say this. These two were good for each other. It seemed to work. They could help each other. They lost themselves in each other. It was crazy. Wild. I wasn't sure. These two could work in the end. Somehow. Someway. They were two puzzle pieces they didn't fit with anyone else. They had something.
Alex did change. I thought it was a good change. A crazy change. It wasn't bad for her, though. She seemed happier. Better. She had someone to rely on. Perhaps that's what she needed.

Special Effects

N/A

The End

The ending was satisfying. I felt like it worked. Alex got what she wanted. Miles and a better future. I thought that was good. It suited the book. It made me happy to see her happy. Kissing and loving. In love. Crazy in love. It was odd. But the romance...worked. Somehow. I'm not sure how. There were no more questions. Nothing I wanted to ask.
She got her happy ending. In an odd way.

Rating:

5/5